Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Starving. To. Death.

You know the New Year's resolutions about less high-fat snacking? You know the semi-serious worries about inadvertently chubbing up my nursing babies through butterfat milk because I can't keep my hands off the chocolate? You know the predictions about the nursing-mom-hyperactive metabolism bidding me adieu?

People, it is so out of my hands.

Today my dear friend Rachel and her babies came to visit, and, unlike some days, I actually had time to have lunch myself rather than just feeding the wee ones in my life. We had a nice, healthy meal of leftover homemade three-bean stew, pita with hummus, and baby carrots. Ninety minutes, four squares of dark chocolate (antioxidants!), and twice (OK, more like three times) the listed serving size of Snyder's yummily greasy mustard-and-onion pretzel nuggets later, I finally feel sated.

Were you wondering if Genevieve still nurses a lot? Why yes, she does, how can you tell? Oh, because I can't stop inhaling fat-laden snacks, and yet, the scale miraculously (how is it POSSIBLE?!) reads the same day after day? Because no human being should be able to ingest as much fat and sugar as I do on a daily basis and not weigh 300 lbs.? I'm not even exercising, people, because it's ten million degrees below zero outside right now. (That's another story, because Rachel and I are supposed to run a 5K together in April as motivation to get back into shape after having these babies, and um, let's just say I'd better get on that.)

Yes, Genevieve nurses a lot. Her night-nursing is much improved, but she still nurses pretty much every two hours all day long. It's obvious to me that my body demands these mega-calories in order to keep up with my baby piglet. Because if you suggested that I simply eat, oh, an apple or a yogurt or even, say, some whole-grain bread when I'm hungry? To improve the nutrition of my between-meal snacking habit? Maybe some baby carrots dipped in salsa, maybe some rye-krisp with lowfat cream cheese? I would laugh very hard at you, and push you aside to get to the Ben and Jerry's. Because only a nursing mom, and perhaps only a nursing mom with a serious eater of a baby, or maybe even only a nursing mom with a serious eater of a baby and a particular hormone-metabolism-biological something-or-other mix, can understand how not just anything will do, not just any calorie will calm that hunger-buzz you feel all day (and night) long. It's gotta be dense with calories, people, and full of fat. The most bang for the buck, if you will.

I'm more than a little worried about my cholesterol level and the state of the inner walls of my arteries. But honestly--it really does feel largely out of my control. Genevieve's chubby thighs demand it. But oh, won't it be a sad, rude awakening when Genevieve weans and my body is out on its (substantial) butt, so to speak?

My friend Ruth, whose baby is a week older than Genna Rose, is in the same boat--nursing all the time, starving day and night--though her baby is tiny compared to mine and Ruth, unlike me, is thin is a rail and continues to LOSE weight. She says she can't deal with it anymore, the hunger and the eating and the tiredness, and she's desperate for her baby to start sucking down the rice cereal, says her body can't keep up anymore with the baby's need for nourishment. Genevieve just started rice cereal too, and maybe that will slow the need for mama's milk to some degree, dial down my appetite a bit. I don't know, and I don't really care. Though it strikes me, daily, as totally bizarre and amazing, I love my ability to eat more than most grown men.

Did I mention Genevieve's fabulous chubby thighs?


Christopher said...

I think Viver is going to pull a "both/and" when it comes to the milk-cereal diet. "Yes, please!"

Sister Heidi said...

What size diaper is she wearing now, anyway??!

And: YOU love Snyder's mustard-and-onion pretzel bites *too*? They are my *favorite*!!!

Shan said...

Genevieve is rapidly growing out of her size 2's. She should rightly be in 3's, but we have a lot of 2's to still use up, so we're still using them. They fit okay, except one generic brand she's popping out of. I think she'll be more comfortable in 3's, ASAP! :) As for the Snyder's, what's not to love?!