Wednesday, January 23, 2008

January Wednesday

Spent all morning yesterday volunteering at Julia's co-op nursery school, cleaning the classrooms while the preschoolers had the day off (and Christopher took off from work to stay with the girls). Discovered that several hours in a row conversing with other adults while scrubbing down cabinets and window frames felt like a "break". Ruminated for the next 24 hours on what it means about my life that CLEANING A SCHOOL felt like a break.

Am wondering what in the world needs to happen around here to make it so that the after-nap afternoons don't make all three of us want to poke our own eyes out. Especially me. If I love my girls so much, if my three-year-old is so clever and good-hearted and my one-year-old is so adorable and apple-cheeked, then why, when they wake up already between two and two-thirty every afternoon and I realize that we still have two or more hours to fill until Daddy comes home and good LORD what are we going to do for two and a half hours and why in the world does my baby only nap for 60 to 90 minutes total for the entire day when she's a BABY for God's sake?--why am I filled with a mixture of boredom and agitation so intense that I have been known to say things like, "Do you want to get in the car and....drive around?"

Told my preschooler today that what I want for my upcoming birthday is "a book [a specific book I'm hoping for] and a relaxing morning." When she asked what a relaxing morning is, I refrained from answering, "Something I will never again experience in my entire life" even though that is exactly how I felt at the time.

5 comments:

Elise said...

Fucking January, man. It will be the DEATH of us all.

Which is to say, I soooooo sympathize.

Heidi said...

I've been driven to the conclusion, myself, that being bored by Little-People- and Play-Doh-play and loving your children wholeheartedly are NOT mutually exclusive emotions.

You've been more content as a SAHM for *so* many months more than *I* could *ever* be--by the end of my 6-wk maternity leave, I was *ready* to start back to work!--that I am kind of breathing a sigh of relief (sorry if it's at your expense!), saying, "Whew! She *isn't* Perfection-Mom after all!" Because until the confession of boredom, I kind of thought I could never measure up to you. Now I don't have to fret about that!! :)

Shan said...

Heidi--what? I thought you read my blog frequently. ;) It should be clear by now that half the time I am losing my freaking mind.

Christopher Tassava said...

In answer to the "why?" question: because you're HUMAN, like it or not. I know you try and deny it and be all Bionic Mom, but sometimes the servo motors and processors break down.

I think I can deliver on that birthday wish (at least the parts about the book and the morning). Whether Julia can grasp the concept, I'm not sure.

I'll send you some first-person pronouns. No charge.

Jordan said...

I remember how awful those late afternoons used to be, waiting for Matt to come home at 6:30. The longest hours of the day, for sure. Sometimes I used to break the monotony by giving the boys baths and getting them into pj's before dinner just for something else to do. I will say that those hours get much, much better and aren't a problem for us anymore - and, for the first time ever, I can suddenly say, "You guys go play in the other room and I'll come join you in a little while" and THEY DO IT!!! Literally, this development is a week old, but what an amazing difference in the life of a mother!! So there is hope, I swear. And enjoy your birthday.