Monday, July 28, 2008

Clarification, at 4 a.m.

Oh, my dear readers. I should reassure you about the post below. No one is sick, or injured, or has lost a job. Thankfully, I can say that my stressful recent turn of events does not involve anything as serious as that. What I'm stressed about is significant, important, time-consuming, and a total surprise, but it is not life-threatening or cause for alarm for anyone other than me and perhaps my spouse.

What I will say is this. It appears that August is now going to be, for me, not the relatively unstructured last month of summer--busy but fun, and punctuated with a fairly long trip to visit family up north mid-month--but instead basically one big long unpaid job. I mean, a real job with a lot of hours. One with a ton of responsibility that I never, ever wanted or expected. Arranged, somehow, around my OTHER job--you know, that one about caring for my two small children all day long? Oh, and this new unpaid job? It comes with a lot of PRESSURE. It's also not optional. And what's more? I am not particularly qualified to do it. And that family trip? Probably not going to happen now.

What I'm really upset about is this: I am really not the person who would naturally come to mind if you tried to think of someone in need of, say, more things to do. Or, you know, less sleep. Less free time. More on her plate. More things she is required to get done in any one 24-hour period, while the baby screams and the preschooler demands ever-more constant adult interaction and her insomnia blooms like a toxic flower. Yeah, that's really not me. In fact, were you to think of me, you might instead think something like: If she were to become any more tired she'd need a one-way ticket to the loony bin. Or: In dire need of a vacation, not a surprise unpaid job. Or: Maybe when her kids are in school she'll regain the ability to generate a complete thought and remember things that aren't written down in ten places. Or, at the very least: Husband already has two jobs and a time-consuming volunteer position of his own; what is she, crazy? When is that family going to have time for all THIS?

Um, yeah. Exactly.

Believe me, if I could give you all the details I would. Sorry for all the mystery. Just please: send me telepathic messages of energy and optimism. Something to quell the fury and resentment might be good, too. Oh, and the ability to sleep? Can someone send me that?

4 comments:

Rob Hardy said...

This week, for the first time since September 1991, Clara and I have no children at home. (One's at camp, the other's on a church mission trip.) The plan: a romantic get-away, or at least a lot of at-home sex. The reality: recovering from hernia surgery, including stitches in abdomen and bruised and swollen male parts. Tell me life doesn't totally suck sometimes.

Shan said...

Sucks, sucks, sucks. Damnit!

Christopher Tassava said...

And I thought Rob was oversharing when he blogged about crayfish...

Shan said...

I think Rob is still on prescription narcotics, so you have to give him some oversharing leeway. Anyway, anyone who can fully chime in on my "life sucks" attitude--which is FULLY WARRANTED RIGHT NOW BY THE WAY--has my undying loyalty. If the optimists want to tell me things are really fine, they can just come over here and manage my children and schedule and lack of childcare help for me, all the while salvaging my family's only summer vacation trip this year and my tenuous grasp on sleep.