Sunday, December 07, 2008

Oh, Wait--There Is That One Goal About Getting More Sleep

holding two-month-old Genevieve, October 2006

The other day, through my sick haze, I was talking on the phone with a fellow stay-at-home-mom friend about everyone having third babies. She was saying that she'd accidentally stumbled upon some home movies of her babies when they were actually babies, and even though she doesn't truly want another baby now--she's done, she knows it, it's the right decision--she found herself in tears, watching the footage with the chubby infants and the diapered bottoms and the drool, with that awful latent pang rising up--you know the feeling, don't you? when you realize you're never again going to hold a compact velvety newborn cozily over your shoulder like a bag of brown rice? Sigh.

I know how she feels. I don't want a third baby either, not really, but every time I hear about another preschool mom expecting baby #3, it stops me in my tracks for a moment as I mentally cock my head and consider. (The considering part generally goes something like this: Oh, sweet. Hmmm. Another? Awww......sweet. But. Good Lord. The C-section! The nonstop nursing! The further decline into ever-lower economic status! Uh....I think I'll pass.)

My friend and I compared notes on the pros and cons of more babies: pro: so exciting! so much attention! the thrilling expectancy!; con: months of excruciating sleep deprivation.

(At this point I tuned out for a moment, distracted by the realization that my months of excruciating sleep deprivation continue, despite two years having passed since the birth of my last child. WHY, GOD, WHY????)

And then our conversation went something like this:

Friend: When I start to question my decision to not have any more babies, I remind myself that I've always had various goals I want to accomplish when my kids get a little older, and that those goals are waiting for me.

Me: See, I don't have any goals.

(Friend laughs, doesn't think I'm serious.)

(I think immediately of this Friday Playdate post by Susan Wagner.)

(We hang up and resume tending to various snack-preparing, potty-training, arts-and-crafts-supervising, and nose-wiping duties.)

(Fade to black.)

1 comment:

Mnmom said...

I know EXACTLY what you mean!!! And it STILL comes over me in waves, at my age!