Tuesday, May 26, 2009

You Thought the Bedtime Screaming was a Thing of the Past, Didn't You?

Dear Two-Year-Old,

You're cute and everything, and the way you kept trying to negotiate additional tastes of my ice cream yesterday was hilarious (apparently you realized that the chocolate brownie flavor I chose was better than your orange sherbet, which HELLO, anyone could have told you that beforehand), but honestly now. Bedtime tantrums lasting until 10 p.m., two nights in a row? No. No, no, no, and oh yeah: no.

That whole crazy obsession with having your fluffy blue moon-and-stars-printed quilt pulled up ALL THE WAY OVER YOUR HEAD even though it's summer now and hot in the nursery and you've already insisted on keeping out all your winter blankets for the crib so you're under three other blankets as well and you wake up each morning damp with sweat? And how you manifest this little obsession with having the quilt over your head by screaming at the top of your lungs, over and over, no matter how high I pull the blanket, "No, higher! Higher! Higher!!!"? A LITTLE INSANE.

Oh, and the maniacal repetitive screaming of, "Nigh-night, love you, see you in da moh-ning!" even when the parent putting you to bed has ALREADY said "Night-night, love you, see you in the morning!" approximately TWELVE TIMES? FEEL FREE TO STOP THAT AT ANY TIME.

It would be nice if you STOPPED WITH THE CRAZY OBSESSIVE SCREAMING. ALSO THE SUFFOCATING YOURSELF WITH THE BLUE BLANKET. Did I mention the screaming? The screamy, screamy, nonstop screaming? STOP. THAT.

Thank you.

Your frustrated mother.

And thus ends another relaxing holiday weekend in Parent-Land.


Nonna said...

If she's going to scream anyway, a couple of those winter blankets could possibly jusy disappear one day :)

Shan said...

One already has disappeared. There used to be FIVE required blankets (including the blue fluffy quilt she likes over her head)! OK, to be accurate, one is a sheet. The others are actual blankets though. Uh, HOT.

Christopher Tassava said...

I have xeroxed this, Wited-Out your name, and written in my own. I've also highlighted certain passages, like the "Night-night, love you, see you in the morning!" bit. How can something so cute be so horrible?

Mnmom said...

"Children keep you young, but first they make you old"

donna said...

When she's a mother, you need to give this to her.

Shan said...

Ha! Donna, good idea! :)

latisha said...

loved this.