Monday, February 22, 2010


Julia is home sick today from kindergarten--her first missed day of her elementary-school career. I had just been thinking the other day how great it was that she hadn't been sick at all yet this year. She was supposed to read her very first book report out loud in school this morning. Instead, she's watching "Dora the Explorer" on my bed with Genevieve, coughing and sniffling into a million Kleenexes. Since she said she was bored at 7:30 this morning, I have a feeling it's going to be a long day. For all of us.

And speaking of long days, I'm on day five of my Lenten sugar-fast. Days one through three practically killed me--seriously, on day three I swear I could feel the sugar-produced happy-neurotransmitters leaching out of my brain, leaving me a shell of my normal sugar-addicted self--but I am here to say that after day three things get a whole lot easier. I've heard that before about giving up addictive substances--that after three days your cravings plummet considerably--and guess what? It's true! Although I wasn't too thrilled to walk away from that plate of delicious-looking chocolate-chip bars at my friend Laura's moms' movie party last night. But I did it.

In other firsts, I've completed a chapter of my book. I'm also halfway through a solid Introduction, and if I can finish that by the 28th, I'm still on track for completing one chapter or other significant chunk of the book per month in 2010. Which I recently decided is my goal. I'm determined to write this thing come hell or high water. (Or, more to the point right now, sick kids, sugar fasts, and broken laptops.) I've decided not to concern myself with book proposals, perfect writing/formatting/editing, or the competition right now; what matters to me is writing my book, even if the only eyes who ever see it are my own and my daughters' one day. My job right now is to get my ideas down on paper; when that's done, I will pursue my dream of getting it published.

And lastly, in a first that's really a third or a fourth, Genevieve's crib is now a toddler bed, and has been for almost a week now (so I think it's safe to say she's not going back).

Also, and I swear this is unrelated, I've realized that I deeply miss my life when my girls were one and three. That is the last time I can remember things seeming easy and fun most of the time. Genevieve was sleeping well then and was still sweet and funny as opposed to difficult and oppositional. Julia was in preschool but I wasn't yet volunteering as the nursery school co-op board president. My old playgroup still met twice a month, because our children hadn't all gone on to different school schedules yet, so I still saw my core group of mom friends on a regular basis. Life seemed less complicated and more lighthearted. Of course maybe my memory is rose-colored. But I still miss it.

So I'm focusing on my projects--the sugar fast, the book, the running schedule--and trying to distract myself from all that I miss. Maybe if I focus hard on the firsts, I won't be as sad about the already-dones.


Trish said...

Oh just think when they are 15 & 17 and you might start thinking 'I wish I could go back to when they were...' I think if you didn't love to reminice of the times when the babies were babies God would just give us grown ups :) XOXO

amanda said...

Nice post. Just stopping by from a link on writer's
I can relate, though sometimes I spend a little too much energy wishing we could jump into the future, rather than the past.
Good luck with the book, and the sick kid:)

Mom and Kiddo said...

Yeah for completing a first chapter! I look forward to hearing about your progress. Good luck. I was just thinking this morning about how New Kid is in the year just before he turns 2 and that's a pretty good year in terms of cuteness and naps but not much in the way of tantrums... yet.

latisha said...

congrats shan! im so impressed. keep writing mama. you'll never regret it. can't wait to hear more about it.

Donna said...

Wow! Lots going on.

Congrats on chapter one! (And re: missing when the girls are 1 and 3 - isn't that also in line with why you're writing the book? For them as much for you - and to remember all that has happened and to preserve who you are at this moment. It's a gift to share with the girls that is like no other.)

Genna in a big girl bed? Awesome. Is there a story to go with that or did it just happen (like potty training)? G always has her own agenda.

Hope the sugar fast is going well.

Shan said...

Donna-no story about the bed. It was our 4th or 5th attempt and it just "stuck" this time. I guess she was ready.