Monday, May 09, 2011

Recipes

In case you didn't know it, children's made-up recipes are HILARIOUS. No, really, they are. Even when the children in question aren't yours, reading a child's idea of a recipe is practically a guarantee that you'll laugh out loud.

I wish I could show you a photo of these two papers, but I can't right now, so please bear with me. Yesterday Julia and Genevieve each presented me with a recipe for cupcakes, complete with illustrations. Genevieve's is called "Mom Cupcakes" and the picture is a chocolate cupcake shape with blue frosting and a penciled stick-figure woman standing straight up on the top of the cupcake. The recipe reads:

How to Make it
Pink Blue Peach Black and Yellow Food Coloring
Sugar
Flour
Salt
Bake 20 minutes then make a mom with frosting
Put a candle on these cupcakes (for a birthday)
Genevieve 2011 (Age: 4)


OMG, are you dying? The part about "make a mom with frosting"??? OK, no problem! I'll just create a miniature statue of myself out of frosting! Getting right on that!

Julia's recipe is totally crazy. It is called "Our Favorite Grandma Cupcakes" (no details as to which grandma is their favorite). She said something about how grandmas like to knit so the cupcakes represent knitting. (???? cupcakes of knitting?) Her instructions read:

ingredients:
chocolate cupcakes
red frosting
blue colored sugar
black frosting
chocolate chips
pretzle sticks

Heat your oven 375 Fahrenheit.
For Twelve:
Step 1: Coat the top of the cupcakes with red frosting. (First bake the cupcakes.)
Step 2: Melt the chocolate chips
Step 3: Spread melted chocolate chips into squares.
Step 4: Coat the squares with blue colored sugar.
Step 5: Cut the pretzles into sticks the shape of knitting needles.
Step 6: Coat the knitting needles with black frosting.
Step 7: Arrange the chocolate chips to look like arm rests.
Step 8: Harden the squares of sugar.
Step 9: Apply the squares of sugar to the cupcakes.
Now they look like knitting! Enjoy!

OMG. Where to begin? Just...I don't know, people--that little offhand remark about oh yeah, bake the cupcakes first? The recipe is for cupcakes and the first ingredient is "cupcakes"? Dying. Then, what's with the ten million steps? How much time does she imagine anyone has? OMG, the pretzels (oh, excuse me, "pretzles") cut into the shape of knitting needles? First of all, um, aren't pretzel sticks already in the shape of knitting needles? I mean, basically? And then the part about coating the knitting needles in black frosting? What am I, the Cake Boss? Or, wait, even better--arranging chocolate chips to "look like arm rests"? WTF?

OMG. Laughing so, SO hard.

I am saving these forever, you all. (In case I ever need to make cupcakes that look like armchairs with knitting needles, or a mom made out of frosting.)

4 comments:

Mnmom said...

Kid recipes are the best! The tribune put a bunch in the paper one thanksgiving several years ago. I thought I would die - "cook the turkey for 37 hours"

Rita said...

You do know that Target and Ikea both sell picture frames in the proper size for a pc of paper, right?

Because *these*? Must be framed in your kitchen rightthisveryminute.

You will smile every time you see them!

Shannon said...

@Rita: brilliant! I'm going to do that!

Mom/Nonna said...

Well, this grandma is out of the running because she does NOT knit. My cupcake would have to be frosted to look like quilt squares and a grandma made out of frosting sitting at a sewing machine on top. I'm sure it could be done.