Sunday, January 22, 2012

The Last Laugh

Yesterday my publisher sent me the most HILARIOUS e-mail. It was a compilation of quotes from actual Amazon reviews of some of the most wildly successful, bestselling books in existence (think: authors like J.K. Rowling, Stephen King, Terry McMillan, etc.). I was seriously howling with laughter.

For instance, this:

About How Stella Got Her Groove Back, by Terry McMillan:

"WHAT A WASTE!!! I found this book to be soooo boring...What a waste of my time. The run-on sentences make the book very hard going, but the worst part was the people."

Or, how about this? About Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, by J.K. Rowling:

"You know what I always used to think was the worst thing in the world. Mosquito Season. It's infested with millions of biting, potentially deadly, nuisances that leave ...couple million dollars. But the least the woman could do is try..." [Note from me: what the...???]

And then there's this analysis of The Brethren, by John Grisham:

"Total garbage...made me want to vomit. The book was probably the worst piece of writing I have ever read. The story was equally terrible. I can not believe it was published."

And this, about Riptide, by Catherine Coulter:

"Worst book ever...this may be the worst book ever written! The characters, story line, and dialogue were terrible and extremely unbelievable. Don't bother picking this up. It stinks!"

OMG, I can't stop, you have to read this one, about The Notebook, by Nicholas Sparks:

"Yuck!...I hated this book. I consider it to be one of the worst that I've ever read, and I've read a lot of bad books..."

*********

DYING! That "I've read a lot of bad books" line? Oh my. I was wiping my eyes. And this is just a tiny selection. You all, this went on and on and on, each one more hilarious than the last, considering that these books sold millions of copies and made millions of dollars. My publisher's point: Regarding my crazy troll reviews, I am in good company, yo. And also? Crazy troll reviews do not negatively affect book sales. If they did, the most famous authors in the world would have gone broke by now.

In other news, I'm going to say this in a whisper, just in case crowing about it too loudly would evoke the wrath of the universe and cause an unseen presence to strike down my hubris by immediately giving me lice, but I'm pretty sure we escaped the lice. Really! I mean, this is nothing short of a miracle. Someone up there loves me, and it's not my troll reviewers. (By the way: in a choice between lice and troll reviews? Would totally take troll reviews. Bring 'em on. No problem with them whatsoever.)

And now I have to go, because although I have lots more I could talk about, I am hosting a party tonight at my house and have just a few wee preparations to take care of.

Carry on, fellow warriors!

1 comment:

Mnmom said...

One doesn't have to look far. Youngest was babysitting a toddler last summer. That toddler's Mom just died of cancer. Kinda puts my problems in perspective.