I know you all are waiting, but I just can't do it yet. Not ready to write about the first day of school.
I've been reading everyone else's posts and seeing their photos on Facebook this morning, and it's making my heart hurt even more than it did when the bus pulled away (minus our extremely beloved, now apparently former, bus driver Ed, who knew all the kids by name and made every day special; he's unexpectedly gone and that's just another reason to cry today!), and my mama-friend Angel gave me a hug. She's still got a toddler at home with her, though, so right now I'm feeling a little envious, here in my lonely quiet house. Oh, right, I forgot--having another baby won't exactly solve this problem, only put off the inevitable.
This morning I ran my errands and got home and it wasn't even ten a.m. yet. I had sworn I'd take this whole week easy, take some half-"vacation" while the kids are at school during my first full weekdays alone in eight years, rather than jump full-throttle into tasks and jobs and all the things I didn't have time to do over the past eight years. But the house was so lonely and still, I ended up tackling some psychologist-license business, after all--the first item on my "when the kids are in school" to-do list. And I'm currently considering sanitizing the jacuzzi tub sprayers. Truly. Is that sad or what?
I know I'll find plenty to do, at least at first. It takes a lot of work to run a family, and I'm super excited about the chance, finally, to get my workouts done during the day so that once my kiddos are home from school, I don't have to leave them in the evenings anymore to go running. Ditto with haircuts, the eye doctor, etc. And, I'm excited about being able to cook dinner and bake in advance, so that after school I'll be free to take them to the park every day if they want! We also have a bedroom and bathroom that need painting, light fixtures that need scrubbing, carpet that needs the pros to come in and steam-clean--a bevy of tasks that you just can't attend to when you've got small children at home with you all the time.
So, there are things to do. But I know it will take me awhile to get my footing, and I don't know yet what these school hours will feel like---more than enough? too much? just right? in need of something? in need of nothing more? I hope you will stick with me while I figure it all out. My ship is unmoored. I'm bouncing around out on the sea right now like a cork. Stay with me while I find my balance, I'm begging you, because I dearly need the company.
As for my babies, they went off to school this morning in a flurry of mixed excitement and nerves, but mainly happiness and positive energy. There were just fine. There's really nothing more to say. I pray that their sweet teachers in this wonderful school will take good care of them and love them for me between 8:15 and 3:15. I know they will be okay. I think they will be more okay than I will.
Well, will you look at that? I wrote about the first day of school--my part of it, at least. And my heart still hurts. But I trust that it won't stay that way forever.